After you have read my essays anyone would be greatly impressed by the sacrifices and the hardships that I endured for God. Some of you might be tempted to put me on a pedestal. I feel that it's imperative that I tell you my entire story. This will deflate this larger than life image, as I am not worthy of it.
In 1978 I physically died and was blessed by God with a full-blown Judgment-Day Experience, then the Lord allowed me to live again! In that experience not only did the Lord reveal to me all my sins, but He also taught me many priceless truths. During that blessed experience I had the good fortune of being baptized by Fire; experiencing the same grace as the disciples experienced on the day of Pentecost. During that entire time I was in the presence of the Father, and taught spiritual truth at His feet. A rare blessings indeed!
(Especially incredible, since prior to my death account I wasn't interested in God or His ways in the least!)
On account of that blessed experience, plus one year later I was living in a particular spiritual community where I went through another intense spiritual purification . . . because of both blessed experiences I had attained a rare level of sanctity (purity of heart). The psalmist declared, "The whole earth is full of His glory" . . . and that is precisely what I started seeing with my mortal eyes . . .and all the time! Also, I started seeing that the light in men was the light of God . I started literally seeing God in my neighbor!
I was well on my way to attaining living saint!!
Then, came my mega-blunder!
I had made a terrible mistake by getting involved with the wrong lady (I honestly believed that the Lord wanted me to be with this lady . . . but back then I didn't pray much, because in my death experience the Lord didn't educate me about prayer, and why it was so important. Rather, in that experience He educated me on the priceless value of right action (good works).. In other words, as enlightening as my experience was, in my humble opinion it lacked a few crucial ingredients of the faith.
In the beginning of my relationship with her I only had sex because she needed it, because at my exalted spiritual state I wasn't lusty anymore. But sadly, on account of me being unequally yoked with her, beginning to have frequent and regular sex, plus some arguments. . . . I gradually became carnal again. That relationship with her became the major factor in my BACKSLIDING.
Regretfully, I backslid for a number of years, then got right with God again, then backslid still again! This second time I backslid (1986 -1987) I backslid into the deepest of abysses. I hated my second wife so badly that I not only wanted to kill her, but to slowly slice her up into countless little pieces! I not only desired to do this, but yearned to do so. I literally hated her very guts! I had descended to imbibing the deeepest level of hate.
Just as there are different heights of love one can ascend to (loving thy enemy is among the highest), on the other side of the coin there are lower levels of hate one can devolve to.
Actually, I descended so far into darkness that I almost attained hell prior to bodily death! (Fortunately, through the worse of this ordeal I always retained a remnant of my former relationship with God. This holy-link with God gave me the anchor and the strength to prevent me from returning evil for evil: from carrying out the violence that my now vengeful heart was conceiving)
I became so far gone that from my viewpoint it looked like it would be glory to do these vicious and terrible acts of revenge to my wife. That is how far I had descended into the mire of sin!
I'm sure that every now and then you read in the newspapers a story of how someone commits an especially grizzly murder against their wife and you think to yourself, "How can anyone even think of doing such a vicious act?"
I'm a person who knows from personal experience! I understand the mindset of a man who carves up his wife into little pieces, and thinks to do so is doing a good deed!
My hate was so intense that it fried my brain, making me slightly retarded. Once I possessed 130 IQ, but I lost my intelligence through sin.Over many years time God has restored much of my intelligence, but I am still slow, and a bit scatter-brained.
Anyways, back at that time I was working for AAA auto club and in the office I met a Christian lady coworker. I confided to her about my inner torment and she responded by inviting me to attend her church. I strongly felt the hand of the Lord reach through her to me. So, I readily and gratefully accepted her kind invitation. Next, she loudly exclaimed, "Now I know the reason that the Lord led me to take this job!" (I praise the Lord for His mercy in pursuing me in my time of need !!!)
This woman's church was spirit filled to the brim! It possessed an exceptionally powerfully anointed praise and worship service.
On a 1 to 10 scale I'd rate it an 11! I recall, as I began faithfully attending their worship services, the spiritual strength that I received there gave me the power to withstand the fiery darts emanating from my wife, so I would be able to overlook her abuse, and not continue hating her for it.
The people I met at her church were all slapping me on the back and encouraging me to keep coming to the worship services (their services were 3 times / week). Actually in hindsight, I came to know that it was the Lord who was working through those kind ones. He was inspiring them to motivate me to attend 3 times / week. This was God's heavenly prescription that was required of me to break the newly formed chains of hate that had not yet strongly embedded themselves within my temple (heart).
Sadly, at that crucial time I didn't understand the great spiritual peril I was in. So, instead of attending all the services, I would go to church only once or twice / week. The anointing of once or twice / week wasn't strong enough to break the most powerful chains of hate that had just recently embedded themselves within me.
(Through my experience I've learned that it takes some time for repressed hate to gain a strong foothold in one's temple. If one deals with it early before it hardens, it can be purified (eliminated) fairly easily. If one tarries in dealing with it for too long the hate starts growing roots!)
Similar to a woman who conceives a child, because of those prior deepest hate spores I had earlier conceived, and did not get purified of, gradually a dark alien thing began growing within me. As this evil was germinating within, the LIGHT inside me was proportionately shrinking. As a consequence I began to rapidly slide deeper and deeper into darkness. . . and without me engaging in any further hating!
Just as some holy people evolve from glory to glory towards heaven, I was now rapidly devolving in the very opposite direction . . . towards hell! Within just a few months I degenerated into a person who was very much like Darth Vader from the famous Star Wars movie, "The Empire Strikes Back."(For those of you unfamiliar with the movie, Darth Vader represented the prince of darkness).
Wherever I now went I had a black shadow or black cloud that followed me!
Additionally, this deep repressed hate of mine acted as a conduit for demonic spirits. I was once almost as pure as an angel, and now I became the polar opposite; thoroughly polluted within. I became inhabited not by one demon, but by a "legion of demons!" I became similar to that demon possessed fellow in the Bible whom Jesus encountered in the graveyards, who was found cutting himself with stones!
Actually, I was well on my way to attaining hell, and attaining it prior to bodily death . . . and I knew it! But there seemed to be nothing that I could do to stop this negative spiral.
None of the people I spoke to at Church understood me. I even visited the Indian Saints whom I had spent time with in years past, and they didn't understand me either.
It became evident to me that I was so far gone I was out of the realm of conventional human understanding. I became a hopeless case.
In fact no mortal I met understood me. But thankfully, the Lord understood exactly where I was at! Praise God!!
I've discovered that the Lord loves a repentant soul so much that He will custom carve a way back just for him! That is exactly what He did for me! GOD IS THAT MERCIFUL TOWARDS THE REPENTANT SOUL!!
During that time I was in and out of mental institutions for about 1 ½ years. As the Word states, God's mercy is greater than our sins . . . and I personally experienced the truth of that scripture passage.
As my spiritual state had been worsening, the Lord's way to save my soul from my worsening condition changed. Now, instead of directing me to go to church 3 times / week the Lord began asking of me far more difficult things . . . some very unusual things / humiliating things . . . many in public! I was doubting that I was in fact hearing from God, thinking I must be going insane, but during that most trying period of my life my younger brother handed me a book,
The Little Flowers of St. Francis" by Raphael Brown (Actually, my brother was a middleman for the Lord).
In that book I read of the lives of St. Francis of Assisi and his companions (the early Franciscans Christians ,13th century saints). They were some of the greatest disciples who ever lived! Those Franciscan-Christians attained the radiance of the original Apostles! To my great astonishment some of those holy man did some similar types of things that the Lord was asking of me, so now I knew for sure that it was God who had been speaking to me.
When I started doing enough of these types of things, I started coming out of my sins . . . where the most powerful praise and worship hadn't the power anymore to make me free of those now deeply imbedded chains of hate within me (It's akin to a situation when the drain in your sink at home is clogged with heavier than normal waste, and the normal cleanser isn't strong enough to unclog it anymore. But only when you use industrial strength cleanser does it unclog! Suffering for the faith / doing penance is akin to using industrial strength cleanser on the stain of deeper sin within. . . as this is the finest antidote / solvent!)
*Note: The difference between me and someone like Nicky Cruz is that I had known the Lord. I was a backslider, and a backslider from a very exalted state. Mr Cruz did his big sinning before he knew the Lord. Through my personal experience I've discovered that evil gets deeper entrenched in a backslider as compared to someone who never knew the Lord.
As we know the Bible states, "Though your sins be as red as scarlet, I will make them white as snow."
In practice most of our deeper sins (mortal sins) don't become white as snow, but rather pinkish! (If they became white, you would possess the purity of a young child > Isn't this true).
The reason our deeps sins don't become white is because most people do not do penance for their sins! (Performing fitting penance is the path to make those sins white as snow!). Being "partakers in the sufferings of Christ" or doing worthy penance is what has the power to make the sins pure white again! And white faster than any other means!! It even worked for someone as red as I was!
People say - "How bout the blood". My answer is that the blood gives the believer a gradual (slower) cleansing.
Just as industrial strength cleanser has a greater power to unclog heavier debris in our drain only fasting / praying or suffering / humiliation for the faith has the power to make the stain of deeper sins white as snow!
(To digress one minute I want to state the fact that those who teach that in the eyes of God that all sin is the same is false doctrine for sure. You are hearing this from the lips of an authority on this subject. When the Apostle Paul called himself chief among sinners he wasn't being humble, he was telling the truth about himself! He was chief among sinners . . . he murdered Christians! Not all sin has the same gravity before the Judge of our souls)
Now, by me speaking of the early Franciscans and performing penance I'm not trying to make anyone a Catholic here, as I'm not one, nor do I have any desire to convert. I'm not into religion.
But, I am interested in anything that will help me get closer to God (becoming purer and improving virtues). I've discovered that some of the practices that the early Franciscan did were special holy things, and sadly these things are not preached over any pulpit (that I know of) , nor even understood. The Lord desires to change all that!
Some of you have heard of St. Francis and the early friars, and you may believe that their secret to sanctity was their asceticism. That is only part of the story. Most of them were not ascetics. I've discovered that another extremely powerful part of their Walk was that they were masters at publicly-humiliating themselves.
When someone lives a humble life for many years it has the power to restore purity, innocence, humility to that soul. The good that takes many years of humility to accomplish for our soul, can be accomplished through the use of public- humiliations in but a few months. Why? Because humiliation is much lower than humility. Thus, the use of public-humiliation is a fast-track to becoming humble, pure, and innocent!
Doesn't the Word admonish us to be "partakers in the sufferings of Christ?", also stating > "Those who suffer with Him will be glorified with Him."
Humiliation was an important aspect of His passions.
This facit of the cross the entire Church has overlooked!
(To learn the ways that the early Franciscans publicly humiliated themselves, and how this humiliation was instrumental in making them the men of holiness that they became, you will have to read that book that I mentioned. {Note:The Eternal One has taught me other ways to experience public humiliations that are not listed in that book. Ways that will not One in trouble with the authorities!})
When we read of Paul, we read of a man who suffered a whole lot for the gospels. He was beaten, stoned, whipped, hated, persecuted, etc. In those ways he shared in the sufferings of Christ.
The other type of suffering that happened to Jesus on the Cross was humiliation. He became as a leper for our sake, isn't this true?
Thus, humiliations are the other side of the gospel coin of the sufferings of Christ.
I certainly don't have the purity of Mother Teresa, but I'm certainly not nearly a Darth Vader anymore either. What has the power to uplift a Darth Vader like myself, can make a nominally polluted believer, probably like yourself, into a pure vessel faster than any other means.
After I was delivered out of my living hell (about the year 1989), for a number of years I stopped doing heavy penance. Instead, I performed easier types of service for the Lord. Then about the year 1997 the Lord began telling me to do dangerous things for His sake.
In a worried fashion I began praying over this matter. The Lord responded by speaking to me; clear as words. Here is exactly what He told me:
"I expect more out of you - because I chose you, you didn't choose Me!"
I stopped praying and pondered the transmission that had just come to me from Heaven. I realized that God was being perfectly fair with me.
After I fully accepted the fact that I was going to have to pay this higher price for my faith, without further complaining I began walking this harder road that was being asked of me. As I did so and suffered, the windows of heaven opened for me. I walked into the life of miracles!! Then I came to realize that I had been introduced to "True Christianity!" True Christianity is a lost art!!
Just as in the case of an iceberg whereas most of it is hidden beneath the surface of the water. If the only spirituality that you have experienced is only the "Church Christianity," you believe that is all that there is. But my experience is that the real richness of the faith is hidden, and the Lord only reveals this hidden portion (mysteries) to those who have proven themselves through sacrifice and / or suffering for the faith.
*May this kernel of wisdom be a blessing for all zealous souls:
"I only walked the hard road because I was ordered by God to do so. If I would have volunteered to do this without being ordered, it would have been far more meritorious in the eyes of our Heavenly Father!"
Now, instead of me continuing on this unconventional path of purification, coupled with more conventional street ministry which I was doing, the Lord insisted I change direction by becoming a motivational spiritual writer, doing my best to bring this sacred spiritual project before the church now, since we are living in the last days, and there is not much time left. The Lord desires to resurrect this lost wisdom in these end-times . . . so those Believers who desire to go all the way with Jesus will have the clearest roadmap that we can give them.
Another important matter I am going to divulge is that since my hate was so intense at that time (1986-1987), that the repressed hate that was not purified out of me, after a few years, something most odd started to happen to me. The hate crystallized and became physical. At the times the Lord sanctifies me I began to know it, because I started making a "grunting-like sound." Thus, by the volume and depth of this "sound," I've developed rare insight on the sanctification process (I've discovered that all the darkness in our temple is glued together by repressed anger).
Now I am going to make a bold statement that will make me look vain; but I am merely speaking the truth. Because of the above posted unusual gift there is probably no person in the world who has the depth of understanding on this subject matter (the sanctification process) as I have . . . that is perhaps the main reason that the Lord has chosen me. Also, I am a disciple and I walk the hard road for the faith - that are my prerequisites.
There are some people who are so deeeep in sin that they give up on God. If one gives up fighting the good fight even God Himself can't save them! God's heart really goes out to these perishing ones. But if that same person was to persevere, even though it may appear hopeless, . . . it may take years, but eventually that soul will come out of the mire of sin. How do I know these things? Because that is this sinner's personal testimony!
If, as the Bible says, "God's mercy is greater than even my sins"
> His mercies are certainly greater than your sins! Right?
My living testimony of coming out of near-hell is proof in the saving power of our Heavenly Father, and the very great restoring power reserved for those who do penance for their sins ("Where I am weak He is strong"). Plus, the fact that the Lord is working closely with someone as previously vile as myself is proof to all that He does indeed forgive even great sins, if we repent, and do fitting penance for them.
In conclusion, a holy man from the era of St. Francis who is still well-known today is named Saint Anthony of Padua.
He was preacher/theologian whom St. Francis called 'My Bishop'.
He has been afforded by God with a rare divine manifestation.
His tongue has never seen decay!
What did He preach??? > Penance <
(google St Anthony's tongue and read all about it!)
What about the blood? Penance is a higher, and faster path for the purpose of sacnification. We are only supposed to offer up the blood if we fail in doing fitting penance, or if get proud about doing it.
Didn't Jesus say - "I come for the sick, the well don't need a doctor"
The well do fitting penance!
>Note: Chapter 7 is the Living Martyr blueprint!<
Sincerely, Ira Rosenblit,
email: irarosenblit@live.com
Chapter 2.1 Introduction to Creative Street Evangelism
